Getting Over My Ex and Finding Love Again

As personal as this topic may be to a lot of people, I actually love opening up about my relationships because they helped shape me into the person I am today. Throughout middle school and high school, I was that friend who always loved giving advice about anything relationship-related and I felt it was liberating for me to share my love life.

What most of you probably don’t know about me is that I was in an on-and-off 8-year relationship before I met my current boyfriend. I never mentioned this previous relationship publicly because I’ve moved so forward past it, but it had definitely played such an important role in shaping my teenage years and helping me figure out what I wanted in my future relationships. I hope sharing this story will connect with some of your own stories and feel relatable to some of you.

I’m not going to mention his name out of respect for him and his privacy. I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 14. I was a freshman in high school and I had went through a ton of middle school “crushes”, but I had never dated anyone seriously before him. I met him at a birthday dinner for one of my friend’s, and we sat across from each other. We immediately clicked and ended up spending the entire duration of dinner talking and getting to know each other. I remember feeling like we were instantly best friends. I think that’s always been a key factor in my relationships — feeling like your significant other is also your best friend is so important. I wasn’t nervous or closed off to be my true self from the beginning, and that’s something truly special.

To make a very long 8 years short, we dated all throughout high school and broke up quite a few times, but always ended up getting back together. At that time of my life, I was super emotionally attached to him because he was my first love. We did everything together. I spent almost every day at his house after school, we had a core group of best friends that would all hang out, and we could spend hours upon hours together just doing nothing and still having the best time. This relationship taught me that I could be loved by someone with all of my flaws, my crazy mood swings, my weird sense of humor, etc.

 Although I can remember so many amazing times with him, our relationship also taught me how to pick myself up off the ground and piece myself back together after my heart was broken. There is no feeling worse than a broken heart and although I wouldn’t wish this gut-wrenching feeling upon anyone, I think it was so important for me to experience it. I spent nearly a month crying in my bed the summer that we broke up for the first time, and it felt like half of me was completely missing. I felt so hurt and so lost, and I struggled to find the good in this feeling—all I could see or feel was pain. I had a job at Carvel at the time, and I would take breaks in between customers to cry in the bathroom and eat ice cream (totally kidding about the ice cream part, but now that I think about it, that was probably the best job to have for a broken-hearted teenage girl). Now every time I pass by a Carvel, it brings me back to those memories of my broken heart, and I smile because it’s so bittersweet. I remember my mom hugging me so tightly and telling me that “time heals everything”, and although it didn’t feel that way at the time, she was right. Time does heal everything—including a broken heart.

My ex and I ended up going to the same college, but we had established our separate lives there so our relationship was super on-and-off, but mostly off. Being away at college had given my mind such a different perspective that I had never experienced before. I found a new group of friends that supported me, I was always busy with reading for classes, writing papers, and studying for exams, that those things started becoming more of a priority than my love life. I was growing and changing so much during my college years, and truly took that time to figure myself out. I had started my instagram account, and I was working so often on that as well, that I barely had time for a relationship. I dated a few different guys in non-serious relationships, and some of the stories are so funny thinking about it now.

Some of the past guys I dated in college:

  1. The Player — had a girlfriend who went to the same college as us, and I had no idea whatsoever. I didn’t know her personally (there are over 20,000 students who went to my university) but she knew who I was. Once I found out about her, I confronted the guy and he lied and said he had no idea what I was talking about. As you can guess, this relationship fizzled out quite rapidly.
  2. The Manipulator — made me feel super special for about a week until I found out he was talking to a bunch of other girls the same exact way. It was basically like he copied and pasted his cute texts and sent them out to any girl he found attractive.
  3. The Narcissist — a guy that was super good-looking and that every girl was obsessed with at my school, but he was also so into himself that it was a bit extreme. He only saw his point of view and if anyone challenged him, he would freak out. It was very unattractive to me, but a shame because he was hot.

And now I’m going to tell you one of my favorite stories now leading up to my current relationship and how I met my amazing boyfriend Meir.

Flash Forward to my Senior Year of College:

This guy was apparently in love with me since my freshman year of college but never had the courage to really do anything about it. All of his friends told me he was super interested in me, and would do anything to take me to his senior formal. I was not by any means interested in dating this guy. He wasn’t my type at all, but I was open-minded and after a lot of convincing from my friends and his, I decided to take a chance and hang out with him. After a few weeks of hanging around this guy, he seemed super genuine, so sweet, really funny, and just an all-around nice guy. My roommates and I would joke about how he was too nice and that there had to be a catch. So I was like, “hmmm, maybe I do like him after all”. Usually, I know right away when I like someone, but since this was a gradual feeling, it was enticing me to pursue it and see what could happen.

Well, there was a catch. So this guy’s formal comes around and he invites me to go with him, and then out of nowhere he stops answering my texts. In my gut I immediately knew something was off, but I didn’t say anything. I quickly found out he was getting back together with his ex-girlfriend and then he uninvited me to his formal. Ouch.

I was upset for about 20 minutes, and then I decided to make it my ultimate mission to never look at another guy again (LOL).

Over the remaining couple of weeks of college, I chose not to be sad. I chose to be positive, strong, and happy to finish off the last year of university right. I knew I would never get that year back, and I wasn’t about to let a frat boy ruin it for me. I spent the remaining time working on myself, going to the gym, creating content for my instagram, finishing the last of my schoolwork, and just surrounding myself with good friends. 

The last few days of school were a whirlwind. I ended up going out to this day party that my university was hosting on campus, and I was the designated driver. I pulled up my car, parked, and my friends and I got out and were walking towards the party when all of a sudden, I heard a group of guys calling us over. I looked to my left and there were a bunch of guys that looked unfamiliar. I knew right away they didn’t go to our university. We ended up walking over to them and that’s when I locked eyes with this tall Swedish-looking guy with the most insane blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I thought he was going to have a European accent before he spoke. He, to my disappointment, did not have an accent, and wasn’t European at all. But…I guess the look was enough 🙂 He told me his name was Meir and that he was visiting a friend at our college for the weekend. We exchanged numbers for some odd reason. I remember clearly thinking in my head, “Do not talk to another guy.”

I ended up going home from the day party and passing out because I had been up since 5 AM that day and was exhausted. At midnight, I woke up to a thread of texts from Meir, asking me where I was. I didn’t respond for 2 reasons: one of them being that I really wasn’t interested in meeting another guy to potentially hurt me, and two was that it was already midnight and I had slept through the first half of the night. All of my roommates were out and had left me sleeping in my apartment. On any other night, I usually would have just stayed home, but for some reason I got a burst of energy to go and find my friends. I quickly got dressed and walked over to the strip of bars that was next to my apartment building.

I ended up bumping into Meir, who was flirting with another girl when I saw him. Needless to say, I was super jealous and I ended up talking to him for the rest of the night. We kept in touch after that night, and continued to see each other back in New York City when I graduated a week later. We spent the entire summer together, and although it was definitely a long process until we started seriously dating, here we are. We didn’t establish a stable, healthy relationship for about 6 months. There was a lot of work to be done and trust to be built throughout our relationship, and that’s what I want people to know the most.

People see us as this “perfect” couple on instagram, but that is so far from it. We are definitely happy together and we love each other, but we have our ups and downs as a couple just like any others do. We still fight (although not as much as we used to), and we continue to work towards our goals together on a daily basis. There are times when we definitely need space from each other, but for the most part, I see it as a blessing to be able to work with my boyfriend everyday. It’s so much fun. We help each other grow and become better people, and that’s what the key to a successful and strong relationship is. There have been times when we’ve almost given up on each other, but we’ve always managed to fight through those struggles in order to stay together and continue to be a team.

I hope this post can show you that relationships are never perfect and that there is always work involved to keep it going. And that some relationships that don’t work out will always lead to something better for you in the long run. When my first relationship ended, I thought there would be no one else better for me than him. But life doesn’t work that way. When you are ready for it, the right person will come into your path and you will learn to love again, if you’ve been broken before. Just focus on yourself and being true to who you are, and you will not only succeed in love, but in life! 

Xo,

Lyss

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23 Comments

  1. Dristi
    December 23, 2017 / 8:30 pm

    It was amazing to read your experiences and I guess I did develop the positive feeling now.. Absolutely love your attitude towards life and the way you battle through your past relationships.. ❤❤❤❤
    Love,
    Dristi

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 23, 2017 / 8:34 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! xoxo <3

  2. malaticia
    December 23, 2017 / 8:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences with all us . It was quite long but worth all the time I spent reading it . ☺

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 23, 2017 / 8:46 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! 🙂

  3. December 24, 2017 / 1:37 am

    most relatable blog i’ve ever read. ❤️

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 24, 2017 / 2:27 pm

      that means a lot to me! thanks for reading! <3

  4. Liv Jones
    December 24, 2017 / 5:03 am

    That’s AMAZING!!! U know, when u started out you said u were 14 and u were a freshman in high school, and u had middle school “crushes”

    That’s sooo me… there’s this guy – not gonna say name out of respect for him – but the story is. One night at dance he dropped a METAL water bottle on my head and I was crouched down. And everyone was asking if I was alright. I had tears in my eyes but I said yes anyway. My day wasn’t the greatest on top of that. Then my dance teacher called me over and I just cried while she was hugging me. Then she just let me sit down with an ice pack on my head. Needless to say I actually got 2 hugs from him, but the thing is I couldn’t tell him I liked him – I was too shy. So then there’s this other guy, my dance teachers son, and he asked if I liked the first guy I said yes. And so he got my confidence up to tell him the next day after my first Wednesday night contemporary dance class over txt that I liked him. And he said I kinda like u too. (Instagram txting). So we got back to normal txting and I was like what do we do now, then he asked me “ will you be my girlfriend?” Of course I said yes. But it only lasted not even 2 months b4 he broke up with me. He said he wasn’t ready. And I think it’s just because next summer between my freshman and sophomore years I’m moving states. Right now I live in Mississippi and I’m moving to Ohio, 12 Hrs away from my hometown. So ends up I do have a question

    Have you ever moved schools? If so how do u fit in after u move? This is all crazy new and really would love some help on stuff like this. Thx! This blog was my first to read and it was amazing!!!

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 24, 2017 / 2:33 pm

      Hi love! thank you so much for commenting and sharing your story!
      I actually moved to Australia for 6 months a long time ago, and I went by myself. I had to start fresh and make new friends but being the new girl was actually fun! You just have to be brave and put yourself out there with confidence. I was so so nervous to travel and live so far away from home by myself but it helped me break out of my shell and I was able to introduce myself to new people. Over time they became my great friends and my life was so different but it was a lot of fun and a great experience 🙂 I hope this helped and good luck!

      xox

  5. Eva
    December 24, 2017 / 11:43 am

    This really hit home. Thank you for the inspiration.

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 24, 2017 / 2:33 pm

      thank you so much for reading! <3 I'm so glad I can relate to you xx

  6. December 24, 2017 / 1:39 pm

    Thank you so much for this. 😍
    You have 190% inspired me … I love you so much x I rad as many blogs as I can ! You mean the world to me & I can never stop looking at your Instagram account ! Please follow me on Instagram : erinlowe_xo ! It would me so much to me ! I love you . Thank you for A L L your inspiration !
    Thank you x

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 24, 2017 / 2:28 pm

      so happy I can inspire!! thank you so much for your support x

  7. anshita
    December 24, 2017 / 3:10 pm

    This was literally the best I have read so far…….genuinely speaking I’m going through a thing that my first bf nd I have no contact after breakup after that too I had another guy but we also broke up due to some reasons…….my first bf lives near my house only and it makes it soo hard to forget him anyway…… because you know you keep on seeing his face every time and can’t get the courage to move on………it’s tough😖

  8. Emily
    December 24, 2017 / 3:30 pm

    I just can’t help it omg :(( ur words, they inspire, truly. This really is a paragraph of strong words and emotions. You taught us once again how we should pursue better and never lose faith. Girls need to be STRONG! Going through ups and downs are inevitable, but trying to turn it upside down and looking at the bright side is what we need. From the bottom of my heart, thank you❤️

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 24, 2017 / 3:42 pm

      Love you! Thank you for reading! 🙂

  9. Emily Gil
    December 24, 2017 / 6:08 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I love how honest this post was and your relationship with your current boyfriend does seem perfect in your posts, it’s nice to know that it’s similar to mine that you work hard at your relationship because you love each other so much! 🙂 happy holidays!

  10. Sakshi Singh
    December 24, 2017 / 6:09 pm

    U are so strong and courageous too..to trust again and get into another relationship!! 🙂 That shows love can happen again..not just once! ❤

  11. Sachin kumar
    December 26, 2017 / 4:11 pm

    This is the amazing blog i’ve ever read.🤗🤗

  12. Ester
    December 27, 2017 / 11:43 am

    I loved this story. I’m going thru something similar and to read your words is like seeing myself in them. Thanks for sharing and btw you should come to Barcelona and take some of those amazing pictures here 🙂 happy holidays and please, keep sharing

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 27, 2017 / 7:31 pm

      Thank you for reading so happy it could mean something to you xx and I will be there this summer! 🙂

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