When I Was Bullied…

If this story can resonate with at least one person today, I know it was worth writing. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I’ve been reflecting on the past year and how drastically my life has changed. I have never felt more loved and connected to you, my audience, the people that follow along on my adventures and make everything possible for me day by day. If you knew how thankful I was that you’re even taking the time to read this right now…just seriously. It means so much to me.

This blog post is going to be about my story growing up and how I was never the “cool kid”. I was never in a clique, I never was the “popular” girl, or had tons of “cool” friends to hang out with. I was never invited to the cool parties, either. In my heart, even at a young age, I knew I was going to be someone special. I remember telling my mom at 10 years old that I was going to be someone extraordinary. Looking back, I realize I had a ton of confidence for a girl who wasn’t accepted by the popular crowd. But…needless to say, it wasn’t a smooth and easy ride through my school years. It was freaking HARD. I’ll never forget how it made me feel.

In high school…

I was bullied a lot through my teenage years. Some comments were about me being too skinny, some were about my nose and how big it was because it didn’t fit my face, other comments were about the way I dressed because I wasn’t the most stylish, and others were just people finding a reason to bully. It was the little things people would say to you as a kid that hurt the most even though now I can laugh about it…those little things seemed so big at the time. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self to just keep shining bright and keep doing exactly what I’m doing–being myself and owning it.

There were times when I would come home in tears because everyone got invited to a party and I didn’t. Or there was the time when I hosted a birthday party and 70 people RSVP’ed, and then not one single person showed up. I had set up an entire floor of my house filled with snacks, drinks, decorations, everything. And I waited for 2 hours…not one person came. I later found out someone who was considered cooler than me decided to throw a party over mine, and everyone chose theirs. I know these instances may sound ridiculously silly to some of you reading this right now (I’m smiling and laughing as I’m writing this), but trust me – when you’re 14 years old, these things hurt man.

In college…

College was a bit intimidating for me, but going into it, I was still super excited to start an entirely new chapter of my life. My university heavily focused on Greek life, and if you weren’t in a sorority as a girl, I thought it would be impossible to make friends. My heart was telling me not to join one, even though I had a ton of pressure to do so. I have nothing against Greek life and I believe for some girls it’s such a great way to connect and make friendships! But for me, I just felt it wasn’t my thing. It was hard for me to really dive into that world, and I ended up choosing to join a singing group instead. That group was the best decision I could have made for myself because I loved to sing, and the people were such amazing friends that I’ll always love for the rest of my life.

Needless to say, not joining a sorority came with a bit of a price. I was friends with a lot of the guys in fraternities (I’ve always gotten along better with guys. I grew up with two older brothers and it’s just my nature). Some of these girls in sororities at my college would talk so badly about me behind my back, and their words would always somehow find a way back to me through my guy friends. I knew about it, but I ignored it because I never liked to get involved in drama. I’m not a confrontational person. But the worst part was when these girls made a thread in Yik Yak about me. Yik Yak is a mobile app that connects people in a close area (it’s popular on college campuses), and it allows anyone to write in a forum anonymously. They would write things about me, blasting it to everyone on my campus, about how ugly and pathetic I was. They would also write the harshest things about my instagram. I immediately deleted the app after reading some of it, and I never downloaded it again.

A photo of me from college, and one of the first instagram “mirror selfies” I’d ever posted. Hahaha my leggings were awesome.

I think the way I’ve learned to get over bullying is to just tune it out and tell myself that I am making a positive and important difference in the world by being true to myself. It doesn’t matter if other people accept me, it matters if I accept me. Kindness will always overpower everything, and I know that by being loving, open-hearted and forgiving, I will ultimately have a better and more successful (and happier!!) life. I refused to let the words and actions of other people tear apart my worth, because I knew my worth and that was all that mattered to me. It’s still all that matters to me – and at the core of my foundation, there lies indestructible confidence and strength that I’ll always carry with me.

Over these past holidays, I was sitting with my parents at dinner and we were talking about my childhood. My mom looked up at me from her plate and said, “Alyssa, you were always very different, from as early as I can remember. You always did your own thing and beat to your own drum.” What she said made me smile because it suddenly reminded me of how I got to where I am today in the first place. I had overcome all of the bullying, the days where I felt lost, confused and like I’d never have friends or fit in with anyone. I pushed past the days where I felt alone, because deep in my heart, I guess I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That I’d find my peace, and the right people to walk into my life, at some point and time. It was just a matter of patience and staying strong, but more importantly, staying TRUE to myself…however “nerdy” that may be 🙂

Xo,

Lyss

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17 Comments

  1. Becca
    December 28, 2017 / 4:26 am

    This helped me so much. I’m being bullied right now and most of the time I keep telling myself that I’ll never find friends and I’ll never fit in in life. I actually recently just got bullied on an anonymous app, as well. People were making fun of my butt, my photos on Instagram, etc. I just felt like there would never be a way out until I read this! Sometimes I just need to be reminded that there are people who went through bullying just like I’m going through right now, and they turn out to be happy and successful. Thank you so much💕

  2. December 28, 2017 / 8:05 am

    This was so inspiring and encouraging to read <3 I know opening up about something as personal (and scarring for you) takes a lot of courage, I really really respect you for that. Even though I was never as heavily bullied as you were, I still had those moments. Thank you for pushing us to keep going and giving faith that ar the end of the day, everything is going to be fine <3

    Anna

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 28, 2017 / 3:00 pm

      thank you so so much for reading this! Means a lot x

  3. Carol
    December 28, 2017 / 8:17 am

    All of that bullying made you who you are today, a strong confident person who is not afraid to stand out of the pack.
    Thank you for sharing ❤

  4. December 28, 2017 / 8:23 am

    I would tell you that I am desperate because today was my paper discussion and I was shocked to see my score . I went to the teachers to please give me marks in that questions where I was getting 2 from 3 marks and so on. Then I decided to correct it myself and then asked for the marks but it was too useless as I was Soo Soo much embarrassed . I pray a lot for my exams and as well as I study hard too. I daliy wake at 3’o clock and then I would do nitnem and then I would listen to religious hymns of my religion then I would go to school. But I think it was useless for me to do this as it was not worth to do it. So I decided not to trust in God . I am Sikh but really I am totally dishearted by this.

  5. Linn
    December 28, 2017 / 10:02 am

    Thank you. This meant a lot to me. I was bullied as well, from 6 years old until 18. And I can recognize myself in the way you described you thoughts.

    My father recently told me that he is proud of me choosing my own destiny. Trying new work, move to another country alone. And I finally got it, that being special and having the courage and the burning passion of wanting to succees is the greatest gift you can get.

    When I’m walking in the city (in my small town), the boys and girls that used to bully me daily just stare at me like it’s my fault I’m alive and it’s annoying them I can see. But even though I haven’t done something wrong, It’s my duty to just straighten up my back and up with my head and stand tall and don’t let them look down on me.

    Now it’s been 2,5 years since I graduated. 21 years old and still counting and a lot of fun adventures ahead of me!✨

  6. Adja
    December 28, 2017 / 1:32 pm

    You are a very brave person and I am glad you didn’t let yourself sink because of these bad and insecure people!
    I am proud of you and how you have taken it and managed the situation. Well done!!!
    I hope people who is suffering or has suffered bullying know how to act like you and didn’t left the pain win.

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 28, 2017 / 3:00 pm

      thank you so much for reading! <3

  7. December 28, 2017 / 2:44 pm

    You never cease to amaze me. Thanks so much once again for sharing a piece of yourself with us, again being so transparent. I feel like I know you as weird as it sounds. Thank for addressing issues many of us have dealt with. You go beyond just having followers and being poplar on IG. I have this feeling that you wish in some way you could get to know all of us, and somewhow you came up with this genius way of doing it. You share more of yourself than friends I follow and have known. Thanks for just being a great human being at the end of the day, who truly cares. It’s the rawest people who touch the lives of others so much. The ones who are truly themselves no matter what. The only other person I can think of as transparent and true to herself if Cardi B…huge compliment. Thanks for choosing to be true to yourself. In all things remain true. Now if we could hear you sing sometime soon; that would be the icing on the cake, just saying.

    • effortlyss@gmail.com
      December 28, 2017 / 2:59 pm

      you are an ANGEL! this comment made my day. and a comparison to cardi B is amazing because I LOVE her. that’s exactly why I love her, she’s herself hahaha. thank you so much my love!!! and i’ll be putting out music sooo soon 🙂 can’t wait! xoxoxo

  8. December 28, 2017 / 4:09 pm

    Alyssa, you are so inspirational. You definitely touched so many people including me with this post. You really showed here that you are a strong human being, and if you can do it, anybody can. Thank you zillion times for sharing!

  9. Ada
    December 28, 2017 / 6:27 pm

    Hello there!! I can’t believe somebody talks about this topic I know is really hard and this makes you feel vulnerable, miss understood or even confused but it s something which is part of our teenage years and can let us a mark forever in one way or another. So, my point is that I ve been there but a big change happened when I joined an international NGO in my first year of college and meeting hundreds of people from different countries really help me cure my anxieties. Thanks for sharing your story and keep up your great work…

  10. Ada
    December 28, 2017 / 6:29 pm

    Hello there!! I can’t believe somebody talks about this topic I know is really hard and this makes you feel vulnerable, miss understood or even confused but it s something which is part of our teenage years and can let us a mark forever in one way or another. So, my point is that I ve been there but a big change happened when I joined an international NGO in my first year of college and meeting hundreds of people from different countries really help me cure my anxieties. Thanks for sharing your story and keep up your great work…

  11. Nicole
    December 28, 2017 / 8:55 pm

    I always read your interagiram stories and your blog but never stopped to reply it properly. I’m Brazilian and this post really touched my heart. I suffer a lot of bullying in school and it reflected in my personality until today. I have very difficulties in making new friends, no matter how much I want to. I’m too shy and living mostly in my head. I had the exact same experiencie of inviting my whole classroom to my birthday party, and in the end no one turns up. My house was fully equipped, my parents spend the money they did not have so I could make it happen. It hurts so bad the same way until today. College was just getting worse, I had no friends and felt I was alone in the world. I just found out I was a lesbian and was trying to make my poecie with it, and for about 10 years I didn’t tell a soul about it, afraid.

    Today I feel blessed. All I’ve been trough was so hard and painful, and extremely lonely. But even though I don’t have many friends or even a single friend I can be complete honest with, I have an amazing girlfriend, whom my parents and family fully support and love, I’m becoming a MD doctor next year and i feel finally I’m coming over myself. I still need to do a lot of changes uns life, and I really miss more contact with people, but everyday working a bit I know I’ll get there.

    Ps: The people who used to bullied me are nowadays lost, on drugs or worse and so I thank god I was never the “coolest” in school.

    Thank you for this post.

  12. Alexandra
    December 28, 2017 / 9:28 pm

    You are the strongest person i have ever met/read! Xx

  13. Miriam
    December 31, 2017 / 7:58 am

    This literally helped me so much!I was bullied In high-school too.As a matter of fact, school isn’t over yet and I still can get bully anytime but I Am going to walk with confidence and I’m going to get through.Kids at school always called me uggly, they’ve always said that I’m not good enough.Even my english teacher said that.At that time, I got so mad and I was so sad and disappointed of myself.I thought all those things were meant to be true and I believed them!I believed that teacher.I believed all of it!But by the time has passed, I realised that none of those words were true.I know what I am and I know what I’m capable of and no one has the right to judge me(Except God) and especially not when it comes to a pretty stupid-lame- judgmental teacher.I thought a teacher is meant to say good things to you, to encourage you to move on, to believe in you, to sau things that would make you feel better not to feel worse.However, this was like 2 years ago and I couldn’t be much happier when I finally got to move to another school, a school closer to my house and closer to my family!

  14. January 6, 2018 / 6:50 pm

    Hi Alyssa,

    Reading this makes me just realize what doesn’t kill you make you stronger and that’s so true. I mean you overcome bullying so many people don’t handle that well and it impacts their while life. I honestly don’t understand states I thing bullying there is is much worst than in other countries. And how those kids who are bullies don’t realise that they hurt somebody and that person can be destroyed emotionally. I was always different outsider, have my own things I never fit in any group. I wasnt fat but I want skinny either I was just right and even though kids would laugh at me cause most of the kids we’re skinny. Nobody would invite me to dance at the dance party like ever during whole period of school. I wasn’t popular and I didnt have boyfriend until I left to USA and felt finally like I fit because nobody would have problem that I’m not super skinny but then he left me with out even breaking up with me and its still somehow stays on my mind but I rather surpass that part of my life. I was bullied as a child because then I was bigger and kids would laugh at me. Boys wouldn’t like me. When I lost weight with all my hard work and diet I was called by teacher in front of class and asked if im sick, I felt so embarrassed. I like you get along better with guys because of my two brother so I rather talk about boyish stuff than clothes and makeup even though I like fashion. I always was shy to post my pictures on social media because I was so scared of criticism even though I love photography I just would hide myself from the world. But i always knew I wanna do something different with my life than what was the idea of my parents or classmates. I left and start travelling then I felt more confident about myself and now I feel super confident I don’t care anymore. There is so many things I want to do and being different is my strength not my weakness. My heart goes to everyone who was or is belittled by others, screw them and live your life, you’re all amazing.

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